I'll have potato waffles with that thank you very

Oh c#nt

Thu, 22 Jan 2004 23:54:25 GMT

I appear to be unable to use lj tags correctly. Still. Winner's a c#nt.

Thu, 22 Jan 2004 23:50:52 GMT

THE RULES!
1 - Leave a comment, saying you want to be interviewed.
2 - I will respond; I'll ask you five questions.
3 - You'll update your journal with my five questions, and your five answers.
4 - You'll include this explanation.
5 - You'll ask other people five questions when they want to be interviewed

, mwah!">

Do you require a fight?

A what, darling?

Well do you?

I'll cut you, Winner

What is it like to always be the second fiddle, the amusing side-kick to a more loved and admired hero?

1. Second fiddle often has the best parts.
2. You said I was amusing, you and I know that's stretching it a bit, I mean, when was the last time I posted?
3. Loved? Do me a fayvah!
4. Admired? Ah-hahahahahaha
5. Hero? *Wets pants*

You're a writer? What the hell have you written?

This. And sundry amusing travel books. Perhaps you'd like one, darling?

No but what the hell have you written that people have heard of?

You're reading it now, aren't you, Micky darling?

Mon, 07 Jul 2003 18:20:23 GMT

Gill Chills

Fri, 04 Jul 2003 13:46:19 GMT

Fri, 04 Jul 2003 13:36:08 GMT

The one restaurant critic Ramsay deeply admires is Michael Winner whom he finds 'a fascinating guy'. Dearly though I love Michael Winner, I have to say this is rather an, ahem, unusual choice. But according to Ramsay: 'Over the last seven years I've learnt how to look after him. What I've learnt is, the minute you remove a plate, make sure the next one's ready, so it gives him very little chance to put his head up and slag off the glasswork or the pictures. He's a very tough cookie. He came in a few months ago and said to Jean-Claude [maitre d], "I'd like that table there". And Jean-Claude said, "Oolala, Monsieur Winner, that table is for six and there's only two of you". He said, "Jean-Claude. I Want. That. (edit)Lovely. Table". So Jean-Claude came to me in the middle of service and said "Oolala, Monsieur Winner is being difficult". I said: "What's (edit)bloomin' well new? He says he wants the table in the centre, for six, and it's booked." But Michael Winner said: "Well put them in the bloody bar, serve them Dom Perignon and tell them they're here as my guests - I want that table. So he did it." And were the customers happy? 'Over the moon. Six free dinners. And then of course I tried not to present him with the bill but Michael said, "Gordon if I ask for the bill for those six people, I want the (edit)lovely bill". He is the most generous 60-year-old in Britain.'

(edit)C*nt.

Fri, 04 Jul 2003 13:21:18 GMT

People may remember that I was thrown out of a certain rugger bugger's restaurant when I went there with the lovely Joany Collins...what most papers don't report is that I was thrown out for making the following rib-tickling retort to the waiter who offered to take my coat.

'Why do you want my coat, you jumped up twot? Don't you have one of your own?'

Joany laughed so much that she soaked her Tena Lady. Then Ramsay punched her. I said that my name was Michael Winner as I ran off giggling.

AA Gill - better dressed than Bryan Ferry

Fri, 04 Jul 2003 13:16:34 GMT

GQ Top 10 best dressed

1. David Beckham, 2. Jude Law, 3. David Bowie, 4. Pierce Brosnan, 5. Tom Ford, 6. Robbie Williams, 7. David Furnish, 8. AA Gill, 9. Bryan Ferry, 10. Ioan Gruffudd.

Suck on that, Winner.

I am the god of hellfire

Fri, 04 Jul 2003 12:05:05 GMT

Winner will burn.
We're gonna slice him and lightly grill him like slices of fat purple aubergine.
And he fanices Simon Cowell.
Gaylord.

My celebrated article 'Heterogay' from 1998

Fri, 04 Jul 2003 09:24:41 GMT

Mum, dad, I'm gay and I'm proud. Proud and free, free to clap my hands at window displays. Free to laugh with a little shriek. Free to ask strangers where their delicious scent came from. But there's a problem - sorry, another problem. I don't want to have sex with men. I really, really don't want to have sex with men. I've tried to force myself to think about it till I'm limp. The truth is, I only really like doing it with girls. Always have, always will. The one hard and fast rule of my sex life is only one willy in the bed at a time.

Apart from when I bang Michael like the girl he is. Squeal baby, squeal.